Dear God,

Just a few minutes ago, we got a visit from someone.
The someone who is part of the reason behind my family demise.
The someone who, the mere sight of, makes my grandmother scared.
The someone who is the reason behind the scar on my thumb.
The someone, who I was halfway on the journey of forgiveness for, until they messed it up a month ago and therefore sent me back to square one.

That visit was unexpected.
They were just there.
No warning.
No future notice.
I guess it was a good thing.
Because if there was forewarning, it might have given time for bad feelings to develop.

Like feelings of irritation.
Feelings of anger.
Feelings of dislike.
All because I would've known that I'd be seeing that person.

But I didn't.
I didn't know they'd be there.
I didn't know I'd be seeing them.
Therefore, there were no bad feelings.

It was just...blank.
Unsure? Maybe.
I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be feeling.
There was none.

I suppose it's a good thing.
Because now, I don't think that I'll have that many bad feelings towards this person again.
Does that mean that I'm once again on the journey of forgiveness, and that I was already a mile on it without realising it?
Because if I didn't realise it, I think I do now.
I think I'm on the journey of forgiveness...without consciously stepping onto it.

Did You take me there?
Were You leading me on the journey all along?
Dragging me behind You?
No, maybe You were carrying me on it.
Maybe that's why I didn't realise I don't harbour harsh feelings towards that person anymore.
Maybe that's why I started feeling pity for this person, after my initial feelings of strong dislike passed over.
Maybe, because of a certain epiphany that I had not too long ago, it helped me to dissolve those feelings of strong dislike.

I hope that this person really, really wakes up.
No, I hope that they have woken up.
To what they've done.
I hope that apology and the tears weren't fake.
I hope that they weren't crocodile tears like the many times before.

Because I hope this time, I can stay away from the feelings of disliking them.
I don't want to dislike them.
I want to forgive them.
I want to trust them again.

I want to have my dad back.

with love,
your naive child.