It was Saturday, and I was on my way to church from work. As I watched the rain start to drizzle down while I sat and waited on the church door step, I was having a conversation in my head with God. I was hoping and praying that someone would arrive and let me in, so that I wouldn't be found frozen and wet on the door step.

What do you know, just as I was about to fall asleep, a loud honk in the form of David's mum shocked me. I couldn't tell who it was at the time, and as I squinted through the rain, I smiled and praised God for keeping me company, and sending someone to save me from the wet.

But when I started to sing the song 'Rain Down' that night, I thought, "Being soaked and wet from God's presence raining down on me is something I definitely wouldn't mind, unlike after work..."

It's amazing.
Every single time.
Of course, it hadnt' occurred to me, until I was 100 metres away from church, that no one would be there at 5. I had only happily made my way there, looking forward to a night of praise and worship, and basking in God presence.
Yet He made sure that someone would arrive early to let me in.
He always takes care of me.
Which is why I truly, deep down with every inch of my heart, believe that whenever I do something for God so wholeheartedly, I don't even ask and He provides.

That night, I was elected to be apart of the Utmost Youth deacon team.
My feelings were mixed.
But the one part of me that wasn't confused, was the part that wanted to serve God wholeheartedly.
When I sat there at the table with the others during the meeting, I admit that I was a little overwhelmed and unsure.
Unsure where I would fit in.
And my human mind (you've got to love the human mind) started to think, again, whether I was in the right place.
Everyone seemed to fit, or have some sort of role that everyone could see them in.

Me?
I'm the youngest one there.
I still feel like I'm 15 half the time, for goodness sakes.
What am I supposed to do????
That was running through my head as roles were assigned, along with the thought that none of them really fit me either.
So where did I go?
I was the puzzle piece that looked like it fit in certain places, but actually didn't.

I will say, I went home feeling slightly out of sorts.

But the next morning, God once again answered all my questions and worries.
He made me realise that I'm actually ok not having a role.
I don't mind not having a 'title'.
Because a title is just a that, isn't it?
He made me realise, that I didn't care about not finding my place in the team.
Because I was part of it.
And that was all that mattered.
I was part of the team, and I was ready to serve Him where ever I was needed.
Whether it be helping out with organisation today, doing worship tomorrow, looking after money the next day, or just being there, I was happy to do that.
I was happy just being able to serve.

He showed me that, maybe, having a title would have made me think too much about it.
I would think about the title, and think of all the responsibilities under that title to be handled by me, and thus forget about the rest of the team being there to help out.
Then I'd continuously think whether I'm worthy enough to do the job.

So not having a role 'title', I'm happy.
I'll be there to help.
I'll be part of it.
With or without it, I'm still serving God.
I still want to serve God.
And that's all that matters.

So, to the rest of the team.
Too big of a cake for you to make in time?
I'll help out.
You do the filling, I'll do the icing.

God can sit back and enjoy.



And give us tips on how to make it taste better :)


So God's presence?
I'll continue to do all I can to stay in it.

Because I'm in love with the rain.

So, I finished my third exam today, and I have one more to go. But I feel like I've finished all of them already! Praise God for peace and harmony in the world! *grins*

For me, there's always so much to look forward to. Not that I mean no one else has anything to look forward to, but I think that I just like to look forward. Hmm, I don't think it makes much sense, but if you don't think too hard about what I said, it does make sense.
*interlude of music*
Haha~
So what am I looking forward to?
Well, I have work tomorrow, finally. It's been a while since I've had work, and I think I've forgotten some things...which is why I went and grabbed some notes last night.
Then there's prayer meeting on Wednesday, which I always look forward to.
Hummm...then on Saturday, it's work again (the back to work joy sort of wore off, but that's ok!), and after work...P&W NIGHT~~~
To put it more accurately, Richmond UTMOST Youth's P&W NIGHT~!!
Actually, I think we have a rehearsal on Friday, so put that in too, ha~
And then church on Sunday which is the youth service!

See? So many things coming up and makes me go "Onwards! To the future we shall march, soldiers! Hut, hut, hut!"

Let's just say, I'm so blessed that I can't contain it. KEKE.

And so I'm sharing my happiness from being so blessed, to everyone!
*emits happy waves*
Soak it up and enjoy the warmth of the sun dears~

I've decided to change the layout of this blog.
Previously, it was to be full of letters to God, but I've decided to keep them for myself, as I write them in my own time.
A partial reason for this decision may have been, although it hadn't occurred to me at first, was that I can't fully be wholehearted with God in those letters.
Why?
Because no matter what, I am conscious that there are people reading it.
It's supposed to be a letter to God, so why am I putting it up for others to read?
Exactly my point.
Obviously I've learned from it, and hence forth, this will now become a normal blog.

No Dear ____, just ramblings of my own thoughts and issues.

I'll keep my letters to God close to heart in my own secret place.
How I was a silly girl to think otherwise in the first place.

Dear God,

My time was up on the other side of town, and so I returned back to home sweet home on the west today.
It was a week of good fun, building relationships, fellowshipping, and laziness.
But I came out of it more mature, more understanding and more knowledgable. Hopefully. *grins*

I think I found out something I didn't really want to though. I think I've become a little indifferent to things, more than I'd like to be. Have I detached myself from some of my emotions without realising it?
Maybe it's time to try and reattach those heart strings, I didn't like that feeling of nothingness when I was supposed to feel anger. Even if I felt a little drop it would've relieved me a little, but I really felt none. And then I just felt like a horrible friend for not feeling any emotion at all towards the situation.

Or maybe it wasn't that I had detached myself from emotion. Maybe, it was that I had detached myself from reacting to that kind of situation. Which still isn't a good thing, but at least I've still got some feelings connected. Hm, I'm still figuring out how to fix that problem.

But I should really thank You, for everything that You did while I was up there. I was taken care of, protected, had a good time and was able to learn things that I wouldn't have been able to if I wasn't given the chance to be more independent. I was blessed while I was away from home, and You cared and watched over the rest of my family while I was gone too, so thank You Father.

I'm glad that I've now found a really, really, awesome brother because of You. You brought him into our family, and look! We haven't been happier :)
I hope that you can continue to bring more people into the family, because I really love everyone who's part of it. And so once again, the only words that can ever be said, thank You.

I hope that my sisters, both who have their own pain, will find comfort in You tonight. It relieved me that I saw one smiling and more at peace today, but I think the other might miss me keke
But really, I'm praying for both of them tonight, in addition with a few other secrets that I'll send via the clouds later :P

It must seem repetitive sometimes, but I never cease to be humbled by Your grace and awesomeness. Everyday, I always thank You for things, both big and little, yet I still know that there are things that I've overlooked or forgotten that You've blessed me with.
Hence I continue to pray and thank You, for both the things that You've given me which I have and haven't realised, and that You'll continue to bless me and the people around me.
I can only strive to become more like You, and hope that I'll become a better person so that others around me, especially those who don't know You yet, can see what they're missing out on.

I'd love to say bless You, for being so wonderful, but who would do that since You're the one blessing everyone? So hopefully, we'll all make You happy instead, so that You can sit back and watch the children You've moulded without feeling distraught that we aren't following Your ways.

with love,
your naive child.

Dear God,

It's been a few days that the southeast has become home, and also had a taste of independence.
And I've got to say, I could do this.
If there was a bread winner hehe.

But that aside, the past few days have been quite interesting.
I knew that I'd be able to survive on my own in a way (sort of, more like without a parent) but it's surprising when I think that I could do this at home too.
Take on my own responsibilities etc., but I don't.
Which is why I've learnt something, being away from home.
I think, and I hope, that when I get home, I'll continue doing things the way I have away from it.
So thank You, for giving me the opportunity to be able to mature a bit more :)

Contrary to other opinions, we haven't trashed the house...yet.
Hehe, no but seriously, we haven't.
And I've been able to fellowship and get to know a few people better, in particular a brother of mine.
It's times like these that I look up to You and say, thank You for letting such a wonderful person be in my life.
He's taken us shopping, and popped by for a surprise visit today, bearing gifts of goodies and treats.
Definitely a brother I never had, and I wouldn't have it any other way!
Thank you for the wafers, and tarts, and the karaoke, and for being awesome in general :)

Through all this, I can only remember constantly that the reason why I feel like life is so perfect right now, is because of You, my Father who watches over me constantly.
And the only thing that I can do is say thank You, and try to be a person who is pleasing to You for everyday of my life.

Thank You.

with love,
your naive child.