Having faith and belief in something, or someone, who does not give you any reason to have it, is hard.

But it's what I need from you.

If you can't give me that faith and belief, then I beg of you, just hide it.

So much more to say, but I'll leave it up to the moment it all comes out.
If there is that moment.

All cleared!

Nothing to worry about, nothing to fret about, no more not-part-of-the-plan-possible-impossibility to rack my brain about!

I think God said, "This girl's crazy. But let's take it easy on her this time, give her the answer straight away to save her from running back and forth like a headless chook trying to find its head."

And so, stage cleared!
Onto the next stage...

I wish I had power-ups to take with me. Like rocket blasters. :(

There are many, many, many things that are possible. Even the impossible.

But there are one or two every now and then, that are not possible. Not because they're impossible, but because they're not plausible. And they're not plausible not because they're not doable, they just aren't supposed to happen. It's not part of the plan.

Yet, for the past few weeks, maybe months, my mind has entertained one of these not-part-of-the-plan-possible-impossibilities. No, it is not something morbid or horrible.

Let's call it a child's heart.

So what can be done about this not-part-of-the-plan-possible-impossibility? I know it can't happen and won't happen, but I can't stamp out that flicker of hope. It shouldn't be there. It can't be there, because it goes against me. I can't go on thinking about funny (not in a humourous way) situations, and then smack myself because I shouldn't even think about the idea of it, let alone situations about it.

I know it's vague, and I've probably taken two ends of your brain* and tied it together in a bazillion knots with my weird, all over the place wording and thoughts. But just to put it out there, any ideas on how to stop my brain from playing chase with this idea even though I know it's not feasible?

I know some people will still tell me, "Anything's possible, maybe that's why you're still hoping" but I don't want to hope because it isn't part of the plan. And if it is, then not yet. Hope can come back when the time is right.

*Ever imagined if the brain was just one long cord all squashed and looped together, sort of like intestines? It sure looks like it could be unraveled, but I know it can't be, haha. But let's pretend here that the brain can be unwound from it's ball, into a long string of brain, just like you can do with intestines. And now I'll stop rambling on about my own imaginations of the human anatomy. Hehe.

Yup, I'm feeling happy, giddy, fluffy, wondrous, and something just swells inside of me.

I wanna spend my time with you

I keep falling back.